A beautiful morning in London town invites Blackbird to fly off to sample the delights of the centre of the known world. A few minutes and Westminster hovers into view on Thorny Island.
Swooping past the Abbey with a twitch and a turn Blackbird flutters into the rafters for another day of pig watching. Major Domo pigs are already cavorting around sniffing the swill.
Clegg lurks in his best swill suit ready to plunge four trotters first stomach deep into the swill.
Christopher snort Chope wants to know if the next election will be fought with the new boundaries?
Our porkers, God bless the greedy fat expense fiddling swine, are getting edgy about the next swine-fest election more than two years away. Much snorting and chomping, swill splashes across the green benches.
Mark Williams asks super snout Deputy Prime Minister Clegg, oink what of the work oink of the Commission on Devolution in Wales?
Clegg leaps full four trotters into the swill. Snort oink waffle waffle waffle etc oink waffle. And we know! Oink.
Nic Dakin wants to know what the government's policy is on new peers. Major snorting.
IDS makes a big splash and swill arches through the chamber. Proportionate to the votes cast.
Swine chorus trills "pro por pro por proportionate to votes cast" clickety clack tap tap tap.
Swine chorus tap dances out of site behind Bercow pig. A terrified porkine voice squeals from the Labour side of the trough "what if the BNP gets a seat they'll get into the Lords".
Lots of terrified pigs rush around "you mean those people who speak the truth?" Oink oink "but they'll oink oink steal the swill". A composed IDS clearly hasn't thought of this. Oink!
Sir Peter Tapsell wants to know why not one single banker has been prosecuted for fraud?
Dominic Grieve says the Serious Fraud Office is oink slurp oink investigating but the general mood amongst the assembled swill eaters is that the bankers are swine-Gods and are untouchable. Oink oink happy pigs slurp their swill drowning in adoration for their corrupt banker pig friends. Oink.
Sir Paul Beresford pig asks big pig Oliver Heald the Solicitor General why there is such lack of support for child victims of rape?
Heald stomps and snorts standing in the trough.
Oink snuffle gulp gulp and it is clear Heald hadn't expected this one.
Keith Vaz says 600 children sexually abused in Yorkshire last year. "That's an easy one", screeches Blackbird, "get rid of all your Muslim child abusers and lock up all MPs because they are all child abusers or condone it".
Oink oink snuffle Teresa May lurches into the trough. Major terrorist Ibraham Magag who poses no threat whatsoever has escaped and our useless security services were having lunch break at the time so didn't see him go.
Labour snouters go swill-mad with delight that major porker May has stepped in the pig muck again. "Tra lee, tra lee, tra la" and the swine chorus stumble into the trough.
Attack pig Yvette Cooper squeals he's been missing 13 days. But no matter how much the swine stamp and snort May won't admit what a major idiot she is oink.
Lots of figures on fish quotas confuses the herd. Less discard more plaice and Iceland is playing up on North Sea mackerel and there are the echoes of the cod war.Faroe's aren't cooperating too.
On to benefits and it is clear the assembled swine are completely out of touch. They both snort out as if money grew on trees. Labour pigs led by major Domo Ed Mili-I-got-my-snout-in-first-illiband and Liam Burn are still living in cloud cuckoo land.
They talk as if money was no oink problem.
IDS porker is just as bad. It is clear these porkers are still drunk on their Christmas swill.
Blackbird has had enough of flying pigs fantasy land and flies off into the Westminster night muttering Happy New Year.
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