Much ado about nothing as a wigless disrespective Bercow gawps at waiting school children who have come to see parliament.
In the trough, propper Barbara Keeley kicks off the day with a question about care.
Jeremy Hunt says each hospital bed is getting an extra 2 hours of care a week.
That's wonderful for the beds Mr Hunt but what about the patients?
Andy Burnham says 7,134 nursing jobs have been lost this year. Hunt does a yah-boo-sucks it was worse under Labour.
11.42am there are only 68 members sitting in the House for this important debate.
The rest must still be in bed with their secretaries!
Jeremy Hunt says 23,000 extra people are benefiting with extra cancer facilities this year.
Kate Green wants more spent on fertility treatment. Hope this does not include her family.
Andy Burnham tells us 52,000 pensioners are being denied treatment for basic things like cataracts and varicose veins. Is Burnham a pensioner yet? He most certainly needs pensioning off.
Diane Abbot asks why are free prescriptions for diabetics being withdrawn? Just have to hope the government sees sense and withdraws Abbot's passport too. Adios Abbot!
Joan Ruddock and Simon Hughes have been let out of the nursery for the day.
12.20 and there are still only 67 members present. Pubs must have opened!
Paul Goggins appeals for an umbilical cord. Strange place to make such an appeal for a half-caste patient for which stem cells don't work to cure a problem.
Good argument against mixed race marriages missed. Shame our MPs are a bit dim.
Peter Bone says rare cancers are discriminated against.
Hadn't he noticed discrimination is government policy against white indigenous people called the English?
Andy Sawford the Labour criminal that just won Corby says their A&E is under threat but Hunt just says he's scaremongering.
Health questions end and House including Bercow head off for the bar.
Ten minute rule motion on credit card debt.
3 million households are currently in financial difficulties so Yvonne Fovargue wants debt limit to be no more than three times original debt to stop banks shafting their bad debt customers.
Well she didn't actually say "shafting" but hey Yvonne shafting is what it is.
19 members present at 12.36 and they soon shout "aye" and the Ayes have it!
The bill proceeds.
European Union Bill on accession of that nest of crooks called Croatia; their Prime Minister has just been jailed for 10 years for accepting bribes.
Must be copying some EU friends of ours. Oh yes something on Ireland telling the EU to keep its dirty little nose out of Irish affairs re Irish neutrality and lack of birth control.
Our MPs not interested in following the Irish example. Got to be total quisling traitors.
At least you know our MPs are a bunch of two faced traitors.
There then follows much waffling and amendment proposals. Usual idiots like Vaz pontificate about how wonderful it is to welcome more immigrants to our country.
Whose country? Most certainly not yours Vaz!
Might just be we'll be saying bye bye to you Vaz sooner than you think! No chance this is your country Vaz.
Rees-Mogg objects to Croatia being a member.
Says we need to negotiate a new treaty over this bunch of crooks. Says EU does not respect democratic members like us.
Hope? Don't believe it because Rees-Mogg later withdraws all his amendments. Wally. Posh Wally though.Just another quisling.
David Nuttall objects because we'll get swamped by Croats claiming benefits and cites case of similar sized Lithuania who has 134,000 of their people in the UK and almost all on benefits.
Vaz wants equality for all.
So what about all these special privileges for immigrants to the UK Vaz? This immigrant pillock should not be allowed in the House. He is useless.
David Lidington Foreign Office Minister, congenital idiot and demented buffoon speaks. "What damn idiot made me a minister?"
Claims there are many more opportunities to renegotiate but Blackbird feels this minister is living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.
2.15 David Miliband appears in the Strangers Gallery with 2 young friends watching the debate. No one recognises him. Must be a common everyday experience for him. Good practice for when he goes on the dole after the next election.
Rees Mogg suggests Lidington is a bit like Simon de Montfort. Lidington points out de Montfort was cut into quarters.
Rees Mogg smiles affectionately.
David Nuttall withdraws his amendment too. They play a game with us these MPs. The quisling game of A Ring a Ring a Roses.
Graham Stringer ends with a piece about EU officials living in a parallel universe.
How do we respond to this he asks?
Blackbird says leave the EU today. But these MPs can only see the trough.
Occasionally they come out with wry observations but they fail their people and betray us to the bankers and all the EU cretins, Marxists and liars.
Off with their heads Blackbird shrieks and flies off into the Westminster night.